For those of you that don’t know, I host a podcast called “The Party Podcast” which was a weekly show. I interviewed guests, mostly musicians, in a comfortable and chill environment. It took up some of my time, but it was always an enjoyable experience.
I used the past tense in that paragraph because it hasn’t been as frequently lately.
My depression has been kicking my ass lately, bringing down my motivation and passion, even for those things that I love. I’ve been at such a low over the past month or so, that I would much rather be boarded up inside all day, then to even as let the wind outside touch my face.
I’ve turned friends away, left messages unanswered, had my appetite be all over the place, tossed and turned in bed constantly, and overall just felt like garbage.
It’s not something that I can just switch off. It’s not something that “thinking positively” can wish it away. I am positive about my life, my career, my future, everything. It just so happens that my mind and body sees things in different light.
Let me dive further.
Have you ever felt like the room around you could collapse at any moment? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t be around anyone, even the people you love? Have you ever been so frustrated that you just want to punch something? Have you ever felt as though your body is working against you?
That’s me. Every. Single. Day.
There is of course more to how I am feeling, and I could sit here typing about my depression for hours on end, but I don’t want to bore you.
What I will say is that I am on medication for my diagnosis (Persistent Depressive Disorder). I’m back in therapy, and it has been helping.
When you see me during the day, I’m usually at a happy medium. Not great, but not bad either. If I need to leave class or excuse myself from a social interaction, I do so in a way that’s not obnoxious and get to somewhere that’ll make me feel better. It’s nothing against you or anybody, it’s just what I need in that moment.
Back to The Party, what does all of this have to do with the podcast? Well, I’m the only consistent member of the team, so when the main person goes down, it’s hard to keep things going on a weekly or even monthly basis.
What I have had recently is friends that support me, listen to me, and realize the state I’m in and actually help me out. And those friends have encouraged me the most to get back to a regular routine with the show. They miss it. They miss me.
Here’s to keeping a routine and bringing you more content. Thank you for reading, and understanding.
Let’s Party again, shall we?